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Post by Satoru Alabaster on Feb 5, 2014 22:10:54 GMT -5
It was one of those nights.
One of the nights where sleep was impossible and Satoru had refused help up the stairs (despite a technically vital need for it, now that he was in a wheelchair with upper body strength he had never bothered to develop) to try his hand at sleeping on the rather comfortable couch on the first floor. He hadn't even bothered to get out of the chair and try to lie down.
There were too many thoughts and too many memories, and at least this way he could be somewhat mobile...
No matter what, though, there wasn't going to be any sleep tonight. He was grateful he wasn't upstairs with Keith, at least, that's what he told himself. No matter how much he wanted to be tucked up against the other man and let the rhythm of his breaths lull him to sleep, Satoru wasn't certain he'd be alright with that. Because it was too normal and too... almost sacred, to have him be able to do that with Keith as if their lives hadn't been changed a few days ago.
And because he wasn't sure if he'd want to ever wake up again.
The thought had glanced through his head more than once since he had taken the shot and lost the feeling in his legs. The possibility of an easy way out was lingering just on the edge of his mind and he was ever so tempted to take it. Because this? This just made him a burden. He was sarcastic and abrasive and blunt and aggravating, but at least before this he was also independent. Now? Now he had no say in the matter. Now he just... couldn't have that be reality.
He knew deep down that he wouldn't, that he couldn't do it without destroying lives like a meteor's impact, but he just...
He needed to think. That's what nights were for, he supposed.
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Post by Gabe Alabaster on Feb 5, 2014 22:39:55 GMT -5
Gabe laid in bed for hours until he decided sleep just wouldn't come. The passed few days when he had tried it had only been interrupted by the sound of gunshots and flashbacks of getting beaten, then there was what happened to Satoru…
The blond finally gave in and sat up in his bed, flinching a little as he felt one of the stitches pull a little. He was staying at home until the more serious and obvious injuries were healed, at least that had been what he decided for himself. You think it would give him time to sleep, but he just had too much on his mind to even try(making him strangely grateful for the two black eyes that hadn't quite healed yet, whatever dark circles he'd possibly form under his eyes would just be hidden).
It was just so FRUSTRATING. None of this would have happened if he hadn't been out that night to clear his head after what had happened with Fei. None of this would have happened if he had been able to escape from the men that had taken him. None of this would have happened if he'd been more careful, and now look where they were. He was just so mad, and exhausted, and disappointed in himself. And while he wouldn't admit it out loud, he was still scared. He knew he shouldn't be, that that mess was over with, he KNEW that, but he still couldn't shake the feeling.
But that was just normal, he told himself, after something like that it made sense that he was still shaken up a bit. It would stop soon enough, so for now it was just best he toughened through it. No need to worry people anymore than they had been, he couldn't let that happen again.
The Kuma pulled himself out of bed and made his way downstairs. He was hungry and if he couldn't sleep then he was gonna find something to snack on.
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Post by Satoru Alabaster on Feb 5, 2014 23:15:01 GMT -5
Satoru glanced up from his thoughts as he heard the tell-tale sound of footsteps (about Gabe-weighted, though he knew it wasn't Keith so that really narrowed down the options) heading down the stairs. Soft enough that they wouldn't wake the slumbering tattoo artist. "Guess I'm not the only one who can't sleep..." He tossed out into the air, eyes focused on the bottom of the stairs. He probably looked like a mess... This was the second night he didn't sleep... it might have been Gabe's third restless night?
But Satoru hadn't really talked to the Kuma, assuming that he'd talk about it on his own. And maybe he would, but right now the gunslinger knew he could use a distraction.
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Post by Gabe Alabaster on Feb 5, 2014 23:38:37 GMT -5
"Guess not." Gabe replied as he made it down the staircase and turned to head to the kitchen. Was he surprised that Satoru was up? Not at all, in fact he would have been surprised if he wasn't down here to begin with. The passed couple days hadn't been easy on any of them, he was just glad that his dad had managed to sleep well enough.
The blond looked over at his stepdad as he stood at the entrance to the kitchen. "Gettin' something to eat, want something?" He figured a distraction would be good for the both of them, what better way than food?
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Post by Satoru Alabaster on Feb 5, 2014 23:49:28 GMT -5
Satoru gave a nod. "Sure, thanks..." He wasn't exactly hungry, but then again, he hadn't really eaten much. His appetite was nearly nonexistent, choking down some food would probably be good for him. He started wheeling his way into the kitchen, well aware of how clumsy he probably was at navigating the chair... It took a little more finesse than he had thought, and a hell of a lot more arm strength...
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Post by Gabe Alabaster on Feb 6, 2014 0:14:30 GMT -5
Gabe just gave a nod and went on his way, knowing better than to ask the gunslinger if he needed help getting around. Instead he occupied himself with looking through the fridge and cabinets to give him an idea of what he could fix up real quick. "Anything sound good?" He asked Toru as he continued to look around. He wasn't cooking a full blown meal here, but they had plenty of things to make simple stuff with.
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Post by Satoru Alabaster on Feb 6, 2014 0:32:29 GMT -5
"Don't care," he replied, becoming quickly frustrated with the... height of everything. And at how dirty his hands were going to get. And RIGHT when he couldn't reach up high enough to get to the sink without some effort. Goddamn everything to hell. Absolutely fucking everything needed to burn in that particular moment in time.
The moment passed soon after nothing spontaneously combusted and he realized he didn't have nearly enough energy to try staying mad at the world.
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Post by Gabe Alabaster on Feb 6, 2014 0:45:09 GMT -5
Alright, sandwiches it was. Gabe took out everything he'd need and within a couple of minutes some sandwiches had been made and were laying on two separate plates. He sat the plates down at the table and sat down to eat his. Maybe he should have gotten a drink too, but he'd get up and grab something she he needed it, for now he needed to fill his belly.
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Post by Satoru Alabaster on Feb 6, 2014 0:55:42 GMT -5
Satoru rolled over, grabbing the sandwich and turning it over in his hands before starting to eat. He didn't quite dig in, but at least it was something. "So," he said, once half of the (actually pretty good) sandwich was gone. "What's got you up so late?" He knew. He knew because he had had the same problem after the first kill he ever made, after the first time he'd gotten snatched by a rival gang... It wasn't hard to remember that look.
After all it wasn't like it had ever really left.
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Post by Gabe Alabaster on Feb 6, 2014 1:07:56 GMT -5
Gabe tore into his sandwich and looked at Satoru at the question. He knew Toru knew, so what, was he trying to get him to talk about it? He'd already told them he didn't want to talk about it, besides what was there to talk about? He was taken, knocked around a bit, rescued, the end. That was all. "Stuff." He replied before taking another bite into the sandwich.
A random thought had occurred to him and he wondered if Fei knew he had been in the hospital again. No, no probably not, he told himself. It wasn't like it matter much now, she probably never wanted to hear from him again.
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Post by Satoru Alabaster on Feb 6, 2014 1:18:51 GMT -5
"Right, just stuff," the gunslinger said, voice full of 'I'm calling you on your bullshit.' Because fucking hell, his life was screwed up, he'd rather Gabe not have to deal with that if he could help it. "No nightmares about what happened at all, no agonizing over it and analyzing every stupid mistake you made leading up to it. None of that."
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Post by Gabe Alabaster on Feb 6, 2014 1:56:17 GMT -5
Gabe would have kept eating to keep himself from having to talk, but he had just finished his sandwich. He stood up to grab a drink from the fridge. "It was one instance, and it wasn't even for a whole twenty-four hours." He pointed out calmly, grabbing a can of soda since it wasn't like he'd have to worry about the caffeine keeping him up. "Shouldn't let that stuff get to me." Shouldn't, but it still did. He didn't want to admit it though, even if Satoru knew. He didn't want to admit to it because that would just make it feel more real than it already was, he just wanted to get through it was smoothly as possible. Talking about it would only bring the memories up even more, and that was something Gabe was trying very hard to avoid.
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Post by Satoru Alabaster on Feb 6, 2014 13:20:43 GMT -5
"Conscious and unconscious thoughts rarely work together," Satoru reminded as he began to work on the latter half of his sandwich, which was coming to feel more like a ridiculous chore than ingesting life-sustaining nutrients. "Whether you want to talk about it or not it WILL keep coming up and it WILL get to you." His voice was laid heavy with experience.
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Post by Gabe Alabaster on Feb 6, 2014 14:20:50 GMT -5
"What's there to even talk about?" Gabe snapped, keeping his voice down enough so his father wouldn't wake up. "I know what happened, you know what happened, no point in being a baby and complaining about it. It's done." God he didn't want to do this! Was it too much to ask for just a semblance of normalcy in this family? Really?
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Post by Satoru Alabaster on Feb 6, 2014 15:07:52 GMT -5
Satoru gave a shrug. "Is it?" Physically? Sure, it was done, it was over with. No one was ACTUALLY beating the shit out of Gabe anymore, and while that was all good and well, it wouldn't stop his mind from replaying it over and over and over. In dreams, when he zoned out, if he got distracted, if someone said something... And trying to ignore it was just going to make it worse. As stupid as it sounded, getting it out into the air usually managed to help. Eased the burden, at least.
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