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Post by Keith Alabaster on May 30, 2015 17:33:42 GMT -5
The silence in the small apartment was broken by sounds of gagging, followed by spitting and heavy breathing as a toilet flushed. He hoped that was the last of it, dear god did he hope. He was completely empty by now, at this point he was just throwing up stomach acid and that just burned his throat in addition to everything else that was wrong with him.
Seven years. Keith had been clean for seven years and had since forgotten what this whole process felt like. It was miserable, humiliating, and pathetic. He was pathetic, and he knew it. "Screw up" one person had called him at twenty-one. "Waste of talent" had been another common phrase he had heard, and he honestly agreed. His IQ was in the 170s, he had been called a genius and a great artist, and he had charm when he decided to use it. He could have gone places, he could have been someone. Instead the tatted man sat shivering on the bathroom floor, hunched over the toilet with his head hung down in case his body found something else to throw up.
He was drenched in sweat, but he felt so cold. He was never cold, his body temperature was normally on the warmer side. He was exhausted and wanted to sleep so bad, but he did remember enough from the last time to know that there would only be nightmares waiting for him if he gave in. Every now and then Keith would lapse into Italian, something that sounded like a prayer. Keith was only religious when he was in trouble.
After a series of questions and tests, the doctors at the hospital had told Keith he had an Addictive Personality Disorder, and that actually confused him. A drug addict, yes, even if he wasn't in his current situation he would admit to that, but an addiction problem that went beyond that? Sure, there had been jokes of him being a sex addict, adrenaline junkie, even a workaholic at times, but he figured that was all they were, jokes. After all, he'd never had an alcohol problem that he could recall. When he brought that up to the doctors they said that could be because he had other things occupying him enough to where he wouldn't become so dependent on drinking. Now that all of those variables had been removed from him for the time being however, it had been suggested that all of the alcohol be taken out of the apartment until he got over this.
He was almost done though, that was the good news. This was the worst part of the entire process. After he got over this it was just a matter of staying away from the stuff, and after he could prove he was capable of that then he could get his son back and things could go back to normal. For now he was a wreck, and he couldn't understand why Satoru was staying and helping him when he could just walk out and Keith wouldn't blame him one bit. He had done this to himself, there was no real obligation to stick around.
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Post by Satoru Alabaster on May 30, 2015 20:51:41 GMT -5
It'd been a long day.
Truthfully, Satoru thought to himself as he poured some water for Keith, it had been a long while longer than that. Keith's withdrawal wasn't as bad as some of the members of the gang had gone through, but it was still pretty bad. Leave it to Keith to do something all the way or not at all... Satoru was just grateful that he wasn't coming off of a long span of drug use because that would have been even worse, and it was already pretty bad. A fucking cocktail of drugs, what was Keith thinking?
He carefully carried the cup of water back to the bathroom. No matter how much Keith was vomiting and no matter how sick he felt, he needed to drink. Detox was a lot like being sick, right down to how god awful you felt and how much you needed liquids. "Done puking for the moment?" He asked Keith quietly, holding out the water for the younger man. The withdrawal had been all over the place, he'd learned to keep his voice down a notch or two, lest it set off another round of horrific effects. Satoru knew that getting into this mess had been Keith's own stupid decision, but that didn't mean he was going to let the bastard suffer alone. He cared too much about Keith to let him do this by himself.
"Gotta get something into you," he said, half to himself, as he reached to stroke Keith's hair- because that worked when Keith tried to calm him down... And while puking sucked, Keith needed to try and keep something down.
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Post by Keith Alabaster on May 30, 2015 21:22:34 GMT -5
Keith picked his head up when he heard Satoru's footsteps and wiped his mouth before he entered the bathroom. He gave a quick nod and took the water with shaking hands, trying his best to relax despite how fucked up he felt. The hand on his head helped him a little, but it was hard to relax completely no matter how hard he wanted to. He'd tried to make things as easy as possible for Satoru, because he knew the older man didn't like seeing this either, but it was, well, it was hard. Keith had gone back and forth between clinging to him and trying to distance himself as much as the apartment would allow. For the moment it seemed the former was a good option, and he tried leaning on Toru as much as he could while he attempted to drink from the glass.
After taking a few sips he pulled the glass away from his lips and stared at it just long enough to see red drops land into it and turn pink as it mixed in with the water. "F-fuck." Keith mumbled through his shivering as he reached one hand up to his nose. It had bled a few times already, in fact there was still a little bit of dried blood from the last time. Keith hadn't cared too much to wipe it off completely, it wasn't like he was concerned about his looks at the moment.
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Post by Satoru Alabaster on Jun 1, 2015 23:47:18 GMT -5
Tissues were scattered strategically around the apartment, and Satoru passed a couple into Keith's hand as he held the younger man. It was a little strange being the one holding him, but it wasn't bad. He'd rather this to Kieth's attempts at distancing himself, no matter how painful it was to see, it was worse to hear it and know it was happening and know that Keith would just reject any offers of help. He much preferred this -holding him and trying to handle the fallout- to that.
"It's like you're getting the shit kicked out of you by a ghost," he muttered, unable to help himself. It wasn't something to make light of, really, but if he didn't find something to try and laugh at he wasn't sure how well he was going to handle this whole situation for much longer. Keith was generally his source of good-humor, and he was pretty out of it right now. They both were. Sleep wasn't coming easy for either of them these days.
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Post by Keith Alabaster on Jun 2, 2015 18:55:42 GMT -5
Keith didn't feel like laughing, not at all, but he forced one corner of his mouth to come up and his shoulders to shake slightly until he couldn't keep it up anymore, which really wasn't long at all. It was kind of hard to do in the first place since his already cloudy mind was trying to focus on the nose bleed, but he still wanted to try. Satoru was doing the best he could to help him through this, Keith had to at least try to make things a little easier. He doubted it was doing much, but he hoped Toru could at least see the effort...
"Sh-should'n be m-much longer..." Keith finally responded after the bleeding managed to stop. He had wiped off a good bit of it from the look of the tissues, but he could still feel some of it on and just above his lips. Whatever, it would rub off eventually.
After shivering in the older man's arms for a while longer, he picked his head up from Satoru's shoulder. "Can we m-move?" He asked quietly. He was done throwing up for now, and while he couldn't sleep he at least wanted to lay somewhere comfortable and warm because those were two things he definitely was not. God he wished he was smaller than Toru right then, as much as he wanted the bed or the couch or anything it was just so hard to walk sometimes.
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Post by Satoru Alabaster on Jun 2, 2015 20:01:39 GMT -5
"Yeah," Satoru replied, helping Keith up as best he could. If his leg wasn't shot to hell he wouldn't have had as much trouble, but as it was they were just going to have to make things work. "C'mon, you're the goliath here," he could try and stabilize Keith as much as his legs would allow, but he couldn't actually pick up and lug the other Tora anywhere no matter how much he wanted to. He'd like to return the favor for every time he'd felt like shit and Keith had picked him up and held him. It was frustrating that he couldn't do so much for the younger man right now...
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Post by Keith Alabaster on Jun 2, 2015 20:18:24 GMT -5
It took a few moments, but Keith managed to pull himself to his feet, and while he really wanted to lean on Toru as he walked he knew there was no way of doing that without crushing the smaller man. Luckily, the bedroom was extremely close to the bathroom(the few times Keith was thankful for the apartment's small size), though the time if took for the tatted Tora to get to the bed was almost ridiculous.
When Keith got to the side of the bed he collapsed onto it as what was left of his strength gave in. Oh thank god it was so soft, but he was still cold and he tried reaching around for where the covers might have been. The bed wasn't made, so there was no telling where it had found itself.
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Post by Satoru Alabaster on Jun 2, 2015 20:35:47 GMT -5
This, at least, Satoru could do. He pulled the covers from their heap at the bottom right corner of the bed and laid them over Keith, almost tucking him in before figuring that might have been a bit of a blow to his pride were he in the same position. He sat on the bed next to the tatted Tora and carded his fingers through Keith's hair. "Need anything?" He asked. He could stay for as long as Keith needed or he could get food or more water. He hated feeling so useless. He'd gone through this before, true, but never with anyone so close to him. But whatever Keith needed, he'd do it.
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Post by Keith Alabaster on Jun 2, 2015 21:15:41 GMT -5
Keith curled up underneath the covers, trying to catch as much warmth as possible. He tried keeping his head from moving too much because he loved having Satoru's fingers in his hair like they were, even if his hair was so dirty at the moment it still felt sweet and nice and helped ease any fears Keith had of Toru leaving. When asked if he needed anything Keith pulled one arm out from the covers and grabbed one of the gunslinger's arms. "You." He replied quickly before his voice found time to shake again. Keith didn't want Toru going anywhere, he was scared he wouldn't come back if he did.
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Post by Satoru Alabaster on Jun 2, 2015 21:41:43 GMT -5
Satoru could have breathed a sigh of relief. At least he was good for this much, and he was happy to stay with Keith if it helped. He thankfully hadn't worn his jacket today (really since Keith had begun detoxing, it was too warm and there were too many spills), so he slipped under the covers with little ceremony. "If you want me, you got me," he murmured, adjusting his position to where he could hold Keith and keep stroking his hair without jostling the covers much. "I'm not going anywhere."
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Post by Keith Alabaster on Jun 2, 2015 22:23:20 GMT -5
Keith pressed his face into Satoru's chest and clutched onto him as tight as he was able to. He couldn't believe he had been so STUPID to get himself into this mess. He hated what he was putting Satoru and the others through, it was all his fault he KNEW better! Gabe would never be able to look up to him now, he'd messed up so bad how was he going to tell his son about being responsible and making good choices one day if he couldn't even do that much?
"I'm sorry..." He mumbled quietly. He had been too scared to say it since this whole thing started because there were way too many negative responses he could have gotten from it, but he really needed to say it. He began to sob loudly in the older man's arms but still tried to talk through it. "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so sorry I'm a fuck up I'm sorry!!"
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Post by Satoru Alabaster on Jun 2, 2015 22:50:21 GMT -5
Satoru just held Keith a little tighter and kept petting his hair as he sobbed into Satoru's chest. There were a dozen responses he could have had, and easily half of them were some variant of 'you should be,' but Satoru could only shush Keith quietly. He couldn't say any of those, couldn't say them and mean them, even if it would have likely been true.
"It's okay," he murmured half into Keith's hair. "It's alright, you're not a fuck up, you're forgiven, you're always forgiven, I love you..." He repeated the phrases like a mantra to counter Keith's own. Keith had accepted all of his flaws without judgement, and Satoru couldn't bring himself to say anything but what he felt right now.
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Post by Keith Alabaster on Jun 2, 2015 23:21:29 GMT -5
Keith's sobs only got louder at hearing Satoru's words and he tightened his hold. A huge weight was lifted from him at hearing that... He was forgiven, Toru forgave him oh thank God Toru forgave him. He'd needed those words, he'd needed those words so much and he hadn't even realized it until now. He couldn't find the words to reply yet as his cries went on. Keith couldn't remember the last time he'd ever cried like this, he was probably overdue for one.
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Post by Satoru Alabaster on Jun 2, 2015 23:28:41 GMT -5
Satoru's mantra moved into a mix of shushing and soft humming as he held Keith and let him get it all out of his system. He hadn't seen Keith break down like this in a long time, and even then that had been more 'trash the apartment' than 'bawl his eyes out,' Keith probably needed this just as much as he needed his body's chemicals to even out. "I love you," he said again, repeating it quietly when he ran out of tune to hum. "I love you so much." He pressed his forehead gently to Keith's own, craning his neck a little awkwardly to get down enough to do it. He didn't know if it was something Keith needed to hear right now, but it was something Satoru needed to say.
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Post by Keith Alabaster on Jun 2, 2015 23:47:42 GMT -5
By then Keith's cries had calmed to just a few silent tears leaking from his eyes as he looked into Satoru's own. At first he could only nod slightly, but once his breathing had settled he was able to say it back. "I love you too." He replied, sounding a little off thanks to the sobbing. "Thank you, Toru." He couldn't properly express his gratitude right now, but he needed to show something.
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