Post by Keisko Azuma on Aug 4, 2012 22:40:39 GMT -5
Cuzzin texted me the other day and begged me to write this... so here it is. I cried while writing it. And yes, the song is Lullaby by Nickelback. ^ ^ I'd listen to it on repeat as you read this. You'll understand why soon enough. Enjoy *hands out tissues* Lemme know what you think of it. ♥
Keisko awoke with a start. Her heart was pounding and tears were falling from her eyes. Every single night since that horrible day she had the same nightmare. Although she hadn’t been there to see it, her mind provided the images based on what she’d been told and what his injuries told.
She sat in bed, clutching her pillow and sobbing as she tried to rid her mind of the horrible images. The large knife, the white haired psycho, and all of the blood, the images repeated themselves. A wail left her as the image of Matsuda’s dead body pierced her waking mind. There had been so much blood… and even being a nurse, she’d never seen so much. It had even covered Aiden’s back from when the man carried him.
Her Matsuda, her rock, he was gone, completely gone. She hated it, she hated that he was dead and even though the man that murdered him died as well, it wasn’t enough. Her rock, her protector, her best friend… he wasn’t coming back.
Keisko glanced up at the bathroom door, knowing that she did have an escape from it all, it lay behind the door. She was a nurse; she knew exactly how to do it. If she did it, she wouldn’t be left with all the pain, the suffering, the empty feeling that was left inside her.
When she met Matsuda, she’d been so lost, just a wandering soul. It was through him that she was brought back, to life, a means of living. They just clicked. They complimented one another and now her other half was gone. She didn’t even get to say she loved him… that was the part that killed her each and every day.
She could do it. It wouldn’t take much… just a bit of pain to end the pain inside her soul.
Each time her eyes closed, she saw his body lying on the ground by that ambulance. Her mind wouldn’t stop, it wouldn’t rest, and it continued showing the images. She couldn’t work anymore; treating patients only reminded her more of Matsu, the one person she couldn’t help. She’d been given a leave of absence after the funeral.
Another wail pierced the night air. His funeral had been impossible for them all. Hotaru, Minori, even Matsuda’s parents… they were struck with just as much grief as she was.
She scrambled up from the bed, heading to the bathroom. She couldn’t take it anymore!
She stumbled on something at the side of her bed and paused, sniffling, to see what it was. Carefully she reached down and picked up the black laptop that rested beside her bed. She sat back on the bed and opened it up. Her crying quieted into silent tears and sniffles as she booted up the laptop. She’d forgotten all about it.
Keisko spotted the file she wanted and clicked it. A half smile crept up on her face as she saw the list of videos. Every time Matsu would play his guitar or start singing, she’d record it, or Mini or Hotaru. Between the three of them there were over a hundred videos. She scrolled through them with a soft smile on her tearful face, remembering some of the days. Her chest constricted as she recognized some songs that he’d dedicated to her. It brought back too many memories… even though they were good, great really, it hurt too much.
She scrolled quickly and finally reached the bottom. Her eyebrows furrowed together as she saw the last video. “Lullaby- for when it may be needed”
With shaky hands she clicked the video and turned the volume up, her heart pounding again. She’d never heard the song and wasn’t sure how the video had wound up on her laptop, she’d never seen it.
When she heard Matsuda’s voice, her heart broke again. Finally he made his way in front of the camera and smiled at it. He must have set the phone against something to record it.
Hey Keis… I’m making this… in case something happens… Alright, here we go.
He cleared his throat and started to play the guitar.
Well I know the feeling
Of finding yourself stuck out on the ledge
And there ain't no healing
From cutting yourself with the jagged edge
She gasped, fresh tears coming to her eyes.
I'm telling you that
It's never that bad
And taking that something is where at
Lay down on the floor
And you’re not sure
You can take this anymore
Tears stained her cheeks as she listened to the words he sang. Her heart felt like it was in a vice grip, unsure of what to feel.
So just give it one more try
To a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone
And you can't tell
I'm scared as hell
Cause I can't get you on the telephone
So just close your eyes
Well honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby
Her eyes slid closed on their own will, a sob overtaking her.
Please let me take you
Out of the darkness and into the light
Cause I have faith in you
That you're gonna make it through another night
Stop thinking about
The easy way out
There's no need to go and blow the candle out
Because you're not done
You're far too young
And the best is yet to come
Somehow, someway… he knew. He knew that he may not make it back and he knew what that would do to her. Her eyes opened to look back into his, even if it was just a video.
So just give it one more try
To a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone
And you can't tell
I'm scared as hell
Cause I can't get you on the telephone
So just close your eyes
Well honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby
She wasn’t sure what to feel, while tears fell down her face, her heart started to beat evenly.
Well everybody's hit the bottom
And everybody's been forgotten
When everybody's tired of being alone
Yeah everybody's been abandoned
And left a little empty handed
So if you're out there barely hanging on
She reached out and touched the screen with shaky hands, a small smile creeping up on her tear stained face.
Just give it one more try
To a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone
And you can't tell
I'm scared as hell
Cause I can't get you on the telephone
So just close your eyes
Well honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby
Matsuda was gone and yet his words still hit home. She felt… not whole, but… patched.
Well honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby
On screen he finished the song and smiled at the camera, wiping away a tear from his eye.
If you’re watching this then I’m not there so, just listen to the song if you start to feel down. And Keis… Just know that I love you.
He cut the camera off, leaving Keisko sitting there with wide eyes. Another sob wrecked through her body, but a smile was on her face. She was patched up now and didn’t feel like hurting herself anymore. She closed the laptop and pushed it to the side, wiping her face to get rid of the tears which wouldn’t stop flowing.
She would always miss Matsuda, more than anything, but she knew now that if she killed herself it wouldn’t do anything to help ease the pain. He’d made the video to help her through her hard times. He loved her…
She smiled and laughed through her tears, flopping back onto her pillows. Slowly she would recover from the pain her heart felt. She had her own lullaby to help her through all the hard times.
She got up from the bed and walked back to the bathroom. Quickly she threw away the straight edged razor she had put aside for the past few weeks.
Closing the bathroom door behind her, she smiled and walked back to her bed. “Love you too Matsu.” She whispered as she laid back down and drifted off into a nightmare free dream.
Lullaby
Keisko awoke with a start. Her heart was pounding and tears were falling from her eyes. Every single night since that horrible day she had the same nightmare. Although she hadn’t been there to see it, her mind provided the images based on what she’d been told and what his injuries told.
She sat in bed, clutching her pillow and sobbing as she tried to rid her mind of the horrible images. The large knife, the white haired psycho, and all of the blood, the images repeated themselves. A wail left her as the image of Matsuda’s dead body pierced her waking mind. There had been so much blood… and even being a nurse, she’d never seen so much. It had even covered Aiden’s back from when the man carried him.
Her Matsuda, her rock, he was gone, completely gone. She hated it, she hated that he was dead and even though the man that murdered him died as well, it wasn’t enough. Her rock, her protector, her best friend… he wasn’t coming back.
Keisko glanced up at the bathroom door, knowing that she did have an escape from it all, it lay behind the door. She was a nurse; she knew exactly how to do it. If she did it, she wouldn’t be left with all the pain, the suffering, the empty feeling that was left inside her.
When she met Matsuda, she’d been so lost, just a wandering soul. It was through him that she was brought back, to life, a means of living. They just clicked. They complimented one another and now her other half was gone. She didn’t even get to say she loved him… that was the part that killed her each and every day.
She could do it. It wouldn’t take much… just a bit of pain to end the pain inside her soul.
Each time her eyes closed, she saw his body lying on the ground by that ambulance. Her mind wouldn’t stop, it wouldn’t rest, and it continued showing the images. She couldn’t work anymore; treating patients only reminded her more of Matsu, the one person she couldn’t help. She’d been given a leave of absence after the funeral.
Another wail pierced the night air. His funeral had been impossible for them all. Hotaru, Minori, even Matsuda’s parents… they were struck with just as much grief as she was.
She scrambled up from the bed, heading to the bathroom. She couldn’t take it anymore!
She stumbled on something at the side of her bed and paused, sniffling, to see what it was. Carefully she reached down and picked up the black laptop that rested beside her bed. She sat back on the bed and opened it up. Her crying quieted into silent tears and sniffles as she booted up the laptop. She’d forgotten all about it.
Keisko spotted the file she wanted and clicked it. A half smile crept up on her face as she saw the list of videos. Every time Matsu would play his guitar or start singing, she’d record it, or Mini or Hotaru. Between the three of them there were over a hundred videos. She scrolled through them with a soft smile on her tearful face, remembering some of the days. Her chest constricted as she recognized some songs that he’d dedicated to her. It brought back too many memories… even though they were good, great really, it hurt too much.
She scrolled quickly and finally reached the bottom. Her eyebrows furrowed together as she saw the last video. “Lullaby- for when it may be needed”
With shaky hands she clicked the video and turned the volume up, her heart pounding again. She’d never heard the song and wasn’t sure how the video had wound up on her laptop, she’d never seen it.
When she heard Matsuda’s voice, her heart broke again. Finally he made his way in front of the camera and smiled at it. He must have set the phone against something to record it.
Hey Keis… I’m making this… in case something happens… Alright, here we go.
He cleared his throat and started to play the guitar.
Well I know the feeling
Of finding yourself stuck out on the ledge
And there ain't no healing
From cutting yourself with the jagged edge
She gasped, fresh tears coming to her eyes.
I'm telling you that
It's never that bad
And taking that something is where at
Lay down on the floor
And you’re not sure
You can take this anymore
Tears stained her cheeks as she listened to the words he sang. Her heart felt like it was in a vice grip, unsure of what to feel.
So just give it one more try
To a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone
And you can't tell
I'm scared as hell
Cause I can't get you on the telephone
So just close your eyes
Well honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby
Her eyes slid closed on their own will, a sob overtaking her.
Please let me take you
Out of the darkness and into the light
Cause I have faith in you
That you're gonna make it through another night
Stop thinking about
The easy way out
There's no need to go and blow the candle out
Because you're not done
You're far too young
And the best is yet to come
Somehow, someway… he knew. He knew that he may not make it back and he knew what that would do to her. Her eyes opened to look back into his, even if it was just a video.
So just give it one more try
To a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone
And you can't tell
I'm scared as hell
Cause I can't get you on the telephone
So just close your eyes
Well honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby
She wasn’t sure what to feel, while tears fell down her face, her heart started to beat evenly.
Well everybody's hit the bottom
And everybody's been forgotten
When everybody's tired of being alone
Yeah everybody's been abandoned
And left a little empty handed
So if you're out there barely hanging on
She reached out and touched the screen with shaky hands, a small smile creeping up on her tear stained face.
Just give it one more try
To a lullaby
And turn this up on the radio
If you can hear me now
I'm reaching out
To let you know that you're not alone
And you can't tell
I'm scared as hell
Cause I can't get you on the telephone
So just close your eyes
Well honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby
Matsuda was gone and yet his words still hit home. She felt… not whole, but… patched.
Well honey here comes a lullaby
Your very own lullaby
On screen he finished the song and smiled at the camera, wiping away a tear from his eye.
If you’re watching this then I’m not there so, just listen to the song if you start to feel down. And Keis… Just know that I love you.
He cut the camera off, leaving Keisko sitting there with wide eyes. Another sob wrecked through her body, but a smile was on her face. She was patched up now and didn’t feel like hurting herself anymore. She closed the laptop and pushed it to the side, wiping her face to get rid of the tears which wouldn’t stop flowing.
She would always miss Matsuda, more than anything, but she knew now that if she killed herself it wouldn’t do anything to help ease the pain. He’d made the video to help her through her hard times. He loved her…
She smiled and laughed through her tears, flopping back onto her pillows. Slowly she would recover from the pain her heart felt. She had her own lullaby to help her through all the hard times.
She got up from the bed and walked back to the bathroom. Quickly she threw away the straight edged razor she had put aside for the past few weeks.
Closing the bathroom door behind her, she smiled and walked back to her bed. “Love you too Matsu.” She whispered as she laid back down and drifted off into a nightmare free dream.